Warning: Before you attempt any ties, please keep rope safety in mind!
I’m lying on my back, finished with the so-called «Mermaid Tie.» With my legs knotted together in the most artistic way, I mindfully watch the white feathers on the ceiling above my bed. I glued them there because I felt inspired by something similar I’d seen somewhere. It is kind of cute.
I am fully aware of any sensation, any feeling and any voice in my head.
My presence, grounded in the here and now, seems to make the outside world stop for a while. I am landing in my own body. Softly, quietly, without any turbulences. The state of deep focus that I required while carefully wrapping the ropes around my legs didn’t end there. It is like an ongoing meditation.
I feel safe, even though I can’t move.
I feel held, even though nobody’s here. Nobody but me. I feel held by myself and by life. The gentle pressure of the bindings create a comforting and secure feeling, much like a warm embrace. The sensual but firm touch of the rope can be very restorative and strengthening. Paradoxically, I feel free, even though from the outside it might look like I’m constrained. Well, I actually am. But since I intentionally chose to do so, it doesn’t feel restricting at all. I am in total control, even though I am exposed to this current situation. What-if-thoughts show themselves, in their best version today: What if I’m going to be alright?
I feel like I can trust whatever happens next even though I have no clue.
I feel calm, even though there is a very real chance of feeling restless. I am astonished by the immense comfort I get out of this experience – even surprised. Normally, whenever I can’t easily escape from a situation in life that makes me feel trapped, I get all tensed up. In this moment, though, there is something relaxing about not being able to escape. It is like consciously facing my fear, the only way to deprive my fear of its force. I realize not only how easy it can be to rely completely on myself but also how small the fear gets when facing it eye-to-eye, until it vanishes completely. I am safe. I trust.
I feel clarity in my mind – clarity about answers to questions I don’t even know yet.
I feel like I am taking up all the space the universe has to offer, even though quite the opposite seems to be the case right now. I feel at home. I am at home, with my soul in my body. I feel whole and connected to whatever source I came from. I feel like I am taking my power back, reclaiming all the energy I left with past lovers. I rearrange my pieces and recompose myself. The chaos of daily life no longer bothers my brand-new self. I can’t help but smile. A couple of salty-sweet teardrops run down my cheeks. Everything I feel makes so much sense – it’s exactly how it should be. No more hiding.
After quite some time, I feel aroused, almost out of nowhere.
My lust develops from my current situation, from being all by myself. No thoughts of any other being. At first, I feel no need to react to this arousal. I simply watch it build up. Right now, I honestly love myself – my body as it is, my soul as it is, my mind as it is, my whole being as it is. So, I guess it must mean that self-love turns me on. Or is it trust? Or conquering fear? Or is it the mix of it all? I don’t know. I give in and let the self-love take over while I am still tied. It’s intense. I lose any sense of time.
As I release the rope a bit later, I continue lying there for a while. Feeling deeply rooted in my body, I now watch the feathers on my ceiling from a different perspective. It is peace made visible.
Initially drawn to its aesthetic beauty, I now realize the profound impact that self-tying has on my mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Through this practice, I began to view my body not just as a vessel but as a canvas for expression and empowerment. Emotionally, Shibari self-tying became a powerful tool for self-discovery and acceptance. It encourages introspection and allows me to process emotions I had long kept buried. It creates space for a natural cocktail of emotions like fear, love, sadness, joy and more. Especially in phases when anxiety kicks in or after a breakup, this special kind of me-time helps immensely. Each session becomes a retreat, allowing me to reset and recharge.
To me, Shibari self-bondage is far more than a sexual practice: it’s art, it’s healing, it’s transformation. It’s the gift of freedom in the most unexpected way – a unique and adventurous pathway to inner peace and resilience, one knot at a time.
20. Juni 2024